Brother L joins us again to wrap up our topic of the heart and emotion.
Conversations With The Queen 10/10 by Poetic Energy Network Station | Blog Talk Radio
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
How Men Deal with Emotions Verses Women and How This Can Effects Us Relatioships
In this society, there has always been a sense of division amongst the sexes. This division has been used through out history to categorize or determine an individual based off of their gender with the ideology of male and female roles in society we have come across many conflicts on what it means to be think or act like either sex. Movements like the feminist or women's liberation movements tried to change the seemingly old fashioned views of defining gender roles with an emphasis on career and employment equality. But what makes a woman a woman and a man a man are not their roles in the work place but rather a biological and psychological identification with gender. So on in this blog we will focus on the later and how it can effect us when we try to build and maintain emotional relationships with each other.
The normal accepted behavior of men dealing with emotion is quite limited in this society. It is generally reflected that men can only express two very basic emotions; happy and angry. This can and does cause psychologically based problems due to the obvious fact that there are a wide range of emotions to be expressed on either side of the spectrum. ESPECIALLY dealing with the negative. So why is the only accepted negative emotion anger? Well from my analysis anger is considered masculine because it can show case a high amount of aggression is largely associated with the epitome of masculinity. Leading most men to feel like this is the only accepted way to display a wide range of negative emotions.
This limited perspective of accepted behavior can become very unhealthy to the person who chooses to express it. After all, half the battle of being able to properly cope with emotion is the ability to identify them. By feeling limited to only one expression of negative emotion it dampers ones learned ability to identify emotions.
Some of the negative effects of inability to properly express emotions include
Some of the misconceptions about testosterone are
The ability to express emotion can be a very healthy strong suit of the woman and maybe part of the reason why female life expectancy rates are higher. Even with the obvious positives of this behavior, when over emotionalism becomes accepted as the woman's "nature" we begin to run into serious behavioral problems. For example a woman blaming her excessive mood changes on her monthly cycle. Now im not debating the fact that this could EXAGGERATE PREEXISTING emotional disturbances, but it must not be viewed as the main culprit or reason why the woman's mood has changed. When women experience these issues they must take the time out to observe and dig deep into their subconscious mind for the source of the problem. They should also consider other biological imbalances if the mood is altered to certain extremes as to create major disturbances in ones lifestyle. Things like diet changes and certain herbs and supplements can be observed as natural ways to alleviate some of these problems.
So how does estrogen affect the woman's emotional patterns? There is strong evidence to suggest that there is a connection between womans mood changes and estrogen levels. Especially during a womans menstrual cycle her estrogen levels can spike causing other hormonal spikes and imbalances. Estrogen also plays a key role in causing depression around and after menopause hormone therapy is often effective in combating this type of depression. Further lending to the evidence of connection between estrogen and emotional stability in woman.
The connection between perceived and accepted gender based behavior can effect relationships in many ways. The woman is considered to be an "I feel therefore I do" being. Meaning that she is perceived more likely to be driving to action by how she feels. Where as the man is considered to be more of an "I think therefore I do" being. Meaning that it is perceived that he is more likely to be driven by how he thinks. This difference if not fully understood can lead to miscommunication when the two sexes try to voice their opinion. Either one degrading or giving less value to the way the other has arrived at their conclusion can only create a destructive form of misunderstanding in the relationship. Either sex must make efforts to try to understand the nature of the other sex. This includes at times putting how one thinks or feels about the situations to understand where the other is coming from. This effort to understand one another will prove as one of the most valuable tools when sustaining long and healthy emotional relationships.
So how can women better understand men? Women must learn that men do have and can be just as affected by emotion as their female counter parts. We must also have patience with the fact that society has conditioned the male mind to shut down his emotional communication skills by not teaching him the proper way for A MAN to express emotion. We must also learn to respect as well as offer understanding toward male emotion. We must also ourselves take the time to help men to understand the complex emotional changes of a woman. This often requires self introspection and the ability to pull ourselves away from the emotion in oder to understand it better. By talking about how we are effected by our emotions from a non-emotional state can give men a special insite toward helping them to manage our sometimes seemingly random mood changes. Remember no on can read anyone else's mind, and that men are by nature prone to problem solve and deal with black and white realities. When we as women try to explain how we feel there are many shades of gray. Try not to overload a man with too many words keep it short sweet and to the point. We must learn to be more clean and concise when speaking to our men about how we feel and what we need from them.
When it comes to men trying to understand women the main thing that come to mind is listening and making the woman feel understood. Sometimes men's minds are so preoccupied with the point of the conversation that can forget to listen and make the woman feel assured that her feelings are being heard. Understand that at times all a woman wants to do is vent or have a place where her feelings are acknowledged. Creating that for her can not only be helpful lifting her mood but in creating greater sense of trust and security in the relationship.
In essence I really feel it's just about learning to speak each other's language. At the end of it we will often find that we are saying the same thing in different ways. This is the beauty of balance, embrace it and learn to harmonize.
Conversations With The Queen 10/10 by Poetic Energy Network Station | Blog Talk Radio
The normal accepted behavior of men dealing with emotion is quite limited in this society. It is generally reflected that men can only express two very basic emotions; happy and angry. This can and does cause psychologically based problems due to the obvious fact that there are a wide range of emotions to be expressed on either side of the spectrum. ESPECIALLY dealing with the negative. So why is the only accepted negative emotion anger? Well from my analysis anger is considered masculine because it can show case a high amount of aggression is largely associated with the epitome of masculinity. Leading most men to feel like this is the only accepted way to display a wide range of negative emotions.
This limited perspective of accepted behavior can become very unhealthy to the person who chooses to express it. After all, half the battle of being able to properly cope with emotion is the ability to identify them. By feeling limited to only one expression of negative emotion it dampers ones learned ability to identify emotions.
Some of the negative effects of inability to properly express emotions include
- built up stress and tension in the body causing health problems
- psychological problems such as; depression, insomnia, and anxiety.
- relationships difficulties (lack of ability to be persevered as intimate)
- a greater sense of isolation
Some of the misconceptions about testosterone are
- it is the sole cause of aggression
- it is the cause of stereotypical masculine behavior
- it can be used to make men seem primitive and violent
- helps to develop male sexual organs
- helps male libido
- when in balance can give men healthy self esteem
- in balance it is associated with confidence and assertion
- helps cognitive abilities
- testosterone also has a monthly cycle
The ability to express emotion can be a very healthy strong suit of the woman and maybe part of the reason why female life expectancy rates are higher. Even with the obvious positives of this behavior, when over emotionalism becomes accepted as the woman's "nature" we begin to run into serious behavioral problems. For example a woman blaming her excessive mood changes on her monthly cycle. Now im not debating the fact that this could EXAGGERATE PREEXISTING emotional disturbances, but it must not be viewed as the main culprit or reason why the woman's mood has changed. When women experience these issues they must take the time out to observe and dig deep into their subconscious mind for the source of the problem. They should also consider other biological imbalances if the mood is altered to certain extremes as to create major disturbances in ones lifestyle. Things like diet changes and certain herbs and supplements can be observed as natural ways to alleviate some of these problems.
So how does estrogen affect the woman's emotional patterns? There is strong evidence to suggest that there is a connection between womans mood changes and estrogen levels. Especially during a womans menstrual cycle her estrogen levels can spike causing other hormonal spikes and imbalances. Estrogen also plays a key role in causing depression around and after menopause hormone therapy is often effective in combating this type of depression. Further lending to the evidence of connection between estrogen and emotional stability in woman.
The connection between perceived and accepted gender based behavior can effect relationships in many ways. The woman is considered to be an "I feel therefore I do" being. Meaning that she is perceived more likely to be driving to action by how she feels. Where as the man is considered to be more of an "I think therefore I do" being. Meaning that it is perceived that he is more likely to be driven by how he thinks. This difference if not fully understood can lead to miscommunication when the two sexes try to voice their opinion. Either one degrading or giving less value to the way the other has arrived at their conclusion can only create a destructive form of misunderstanding in the relationship. Either sex must make efforts to try to understand the nature of the other sex. This includes at times putting how one thinks or feels about the situations to understand where the other is coming from. This effort to understand one another will prove as one of the most valuable tools when sustaining long and healthy emotional relationships.
So how can women better understand men? Women must learn that men do have and can be just as affected by emotion as their female counter parts. We must also have patience with the fact that society has conditioned the male mind to shut down his emotional communication skills by not teaching him the proper way for A MAN to express emotion. We must also learn to respect as well as offer understanding toward male emotion. We must also ourselves take the time to help men to understand the complex emotional changes of a woman. This often requires self introspection and the ability to pull ourselves away from the emotion in oder to understand it better. By talking about how we are effected by our emotions from a non-emotional state can give men a special insite toward helping them to manage our sometimes seemingly random mood changes. Remember no on can read anyone else's mind, and that men are by nature prone to problem solve and deal with black and white realities. When we as women try to explain how we feel there are many shades of gray. Try not to overload a man with too many words keep it short sweet and to the point. We must learn to be more clean and concise when speaking to our men about how we feel and what we need from them.
When it comes to men trying to understand women the main thing that come to mind is listening and making the woman feel understood. Sometimes men's minds are so preoccupied with the point of the conversation that can forget to listen and make the woman feel assured that her feelings are being heard. Understand that at times all a woman wants to do is vent or have a place where her feelings are acknowledged. Creating that for her can not only be helpful lifting her mood but in creating greater sense of trust and security in the relationship.
In essence I really feel it's just about learning to speak each other's language. At the end of it we will often find that we are saying the same thing in different ways. This is the beauty of balance, embrace it and learn to harmonize.
Conversations With The Queen 10/10 by Poetic Energy Network Station | Blog Talk Radio
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Conversations With The Queen Emotions and how they effect the physical body
Emotions are the psychological states that one goes through in response to experiencing life. It is important to note that there is no definitive concrete definition for emotion. Some psychologists try to define emotion by the biological responses one has to them, such as the hormonal surges that the body goes through to help you feel emotion. Yet the key error in this thinking in my opinion is in the fact that then what exactly is the body responding to? What is the medium between the experience and the biological reaction? That trigger for the reaction itself? There i believe is the root of these emotions. The psychological path ways that allows us to interpenetrate the experience and then allow us to assess the proper response to it. But there indeed are interesting findings to adhere and support either aspect of emotion. The only thing we truly know about emotion is that we feel them and they effect our mind, body, and spirit. But through out this blog i would like to focus on the effects emotions can have on the physical body.
Some thing that is not really commonly discussed is the spectrum of emotion from positive to negative, and how this spectrum is simplified into two basic emotions, which are love and fear. From these two base emotions we derive the plethora of other more specified versions of the two. For example happiness, trust, acceptance, and hope all derive from the root of love. Where as depression, anxiety, anger and guilt all come from the root of fear. The importance of grasping this understanding is to find the true root cause of what ever you are feeling whether it be positive or negative. The positive emotional base understanding is useful for inducing or triggering positive emotions to combat negative situations. Where as the negative emotional base understanding can give us insight to alleviate negative emotions and prevent them from effecting our lives. The two are incredibly useful when one can understand correlation between what the base feeling is and where it indeed comes from, i.e the situation itself that the base emotion manifested itself from, you now can use the root of this emotion to your advantage. This will give you power over your reactions and responses to the root cause itself, which is the beginning of taking control over your life and how you react to the many situations that you will go through.
This will be particularly helpful when it comes to preserving your health, as the effects of emotions, especially the negative, and the reactions they can have within your physical body. The most obvious effect of negative emotion that causes health problems is stress. Stress is the normal reaction the body has to imbalance. Everyone from western doctors and medicine to alternative healers can agree that stress ravages the body. Most of the damage caused by stress is induced by the release of stress hormones, which can incapacitate the body's ability to heal and repair itself. Most of this damage comes from the stress hormone known as Cortisol which is produced by the adrenal gland. This hormone increases ones blood sugar levels, suppresses the immune system, and can even cause decrease within bone formation causing a host of health problems and can be probably blamed as one of the culprits of many ongoing and serious health problems today. Many things can increase the production of this hormone in the body such as caffeine, becoming burnt out or over working the body and mind, serve trauma, and commuting. But don't fear, because there are many things we can also do to reduce the high levels of cortisol that may be lurking in our systems. Some of those things are the intake of omega-3 fatty acids, magnesium, vitamin C, black tea, music therapy, massage therapy, crying, laughing, and having sex. All these things in balance, can help to combat the negative affects of the stress hormone cortisol. Another hormone associated with stress is norephinphrine, which increases your heart rate, can cause hyperventilation, and has been linked to depression as well as adhd. Foods to avoid that can increase this hormone are meat, eggs, dairy, and nuts. There are other hormones that can be induced by stress including GH the growth hormone for more information on this and other hormones associated with stress and any effects of it you can visit these sites and I encourage you to do your own independent research!
Ultimately what must be understood is the total effects and the depths that emotions can have on the physical body, and that remaining in a constant negative mood can induce negative effects on our health. Leading us in a downward spiral of stress into a destructive patterns of behavior. So to combat the negative and unwanted effects of negative emotion one must truly deal with the root causes of it. Which is almost always some form of the emotion of fear, you must understand how what you are experiencing relates to that fear. Then take steps to identify where this fear comes from. We must make moves to let love into our lives to remedy the fearful parts of ourselves. For example with the fear of abandonment, reacting out of that fear can cause further damage in the situation by the symptoms like; accusation, clinging, and leaving for fear of being left, causing the same reality it was meant to avoid. See when in a state of fear we can only become destructive, which lends no solution or remedy to any of lifes problems. So we must eliminate the state of fear itself in order to overcome the obstacles it has created. Things like speaking about the problems sharing where it comes from and how it can make us feel, and understanding the negative effect of it can help us to begin the process of eliminating this fear. Fear destroys because it gives you a sense of hopelessness but when we begin to dissect it, understand where it comes from, and how we can fix it it no longer holds any power over us. We must use information and options to help us as tools to combat what seems to be the unknown. Easing our minds and bodies in to a state of peace and happiness.
For more information on how emotions effect the body or any other information discussed in the article above visit these sites
To catch the show on this topic click the link below
Conversations With The Queen 09/19 by Poetic Energy Network Station | Blog Talk Radio
Some thing that is not really commonly discussed is the spectrum of emotion from positive to negative, and how this spectrum is simplified into two basic emotions, which are love and fear. From these two base emotions we derive the plethora of other more specified versions of the two. For example happiness, trust, acceptance, and hope all derive from the root of love. Where as depression, anxiety, anger and guilt all come from the root of fear. The importance of grasping this understanding is to find the true root cause of what ever you are feeling whether it be positive or negative. The positive emotional base understanding is useful for inducing or triggering positive emotions to combat negative situations. Where as the negative emotional base understanding can give us insight to alleviate negative emotions and prevent them from effecting our lives. The two are incredibly useful when one can understand correlation between what the base feeling is and where it indeed comes from, i.e the situation itself that the base emotion manifested itself from, you now can use the root of this emotion to your advantage. This will give you power over your reactions and responses to the root cause itself, which is the beginning of taking control over your life and how you react to the many situations that you will go through.
This will be particularly helpful when it comes to preserving your health, as the effects of emotions, especially the negative, and the reactions they can have within your physical body. The most obvious effect of negative emotion that causes health problems is stress. Stress is the normal reaction the body has to imbalance. Everyone from western doctors and medicine to alternative healers can agree that stress ravages the body. Most of the damage caused by stress is induced by the release of stress hormones, which can incapacitate the body's ability to heal and repair itself. Most of this damage comes from the stress hormone known as Cortisol which is produced by the adrenal gland. This hormone increases ones blood sugar levels, suppresses the immune system, and can even cause decrease within bone formation causing a host of health problems and can be probably blamed as one of the culprits of many ongoing and serious health problems today. Many things can increase the production of this hormone in the body such as caffeine, becoming burnt out or over working the body and mind, serve trauma, and commuting. But don't fear, because there are many things we can also do to reduce the high levels of cortisol that may be lurking in our systems. Some of those things are the intake of omega-3 fatty acids, magnesium, vitamin C, black tea, music therapy, massage therapy, crying, laughing, and having sex. All these things in balance, can help to combat the negative affects of the stress hormone cortisol. Another hormone associated with stress is norephinphrine, which increases your heart rate, can cause hyperventilation, and has been linked to depression as well as adhd. Foods to avoid that can increase this hormone are meat, eggs, dairy, and nuts. There are other hormones that can be induced by stress including GH the growth hormone for more information on this and other hormones associated with stress and any effects of it you can visit these sites and I encourage you to do your own independent research!
- . http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stress_hormone
- http://stress.about.com/od/stresshealth/a/cortisol.htm
- http://www.psycheducation.org/mechanism/stress%20hormone%20intro.htm
Ultimately what must be understood is the total effects and the depths that emotions can have on the physical body, and that remaining in a constant negative mood can induce negative effects on our health. Leading us in a downward spiral of stress into a destructive patterns of behavior. So to combat the negative and unwanted effects of negative emotion one must truly deal with the root causes of it. Which is almost always some form of the emotion of fear, you must understand how what you are experiencing relates to that fear. Then take steps to identify where this fear comes from. We must make moves to let love into our lives to remedy the fearful parts of ourselves. For example with the fear of abandonment, reacting out of that fear can cause further damage in the situation by the symptoms like; accusation, clinging, and leaving for fear of being left, causing the same reality it was meant to avoid. See when in a state of fear we can only become destructive, which lends no solution or remedy to any of lifes problems. So we must eliminate the state of fear itself in order to overcome the obstacles it has created. Things like speaking about the problems sharing where it comes from and how it can make us feel, and understanding the negative effect of it can help us to begin the process of eliminating this fear. Fear destroys because it gives you a sense of hopelessness but when we begin to dissect it, understand where it comes from, and how we can fix it it no longer holds any power over us. We must use information and options to help us as tools to combat what seems to be the unknown. Easing our minds and bodies in to a state of peace and happiness.
For more information on how emotions effect the body or any other information discussed in the article above visit these sites
- http://lazur.hubpages.com/hub/Hormones-and-love
- http://www.youramazingbrain.org.uk/lovesex/sciencelove.htm
- http://www.mkprojects.com/fa_emotions.html
- http://www.ehow.com/facts_5586124_emotions-different-organs-human-body_.html
- http://aromaticamedica.tripod.com/id24.html
- http://www.altruists.org/ideas/psychology/fear_or_love/
- http://www.livestrong.com/article/204701-phenylethylamine-in-the-diet/
To catch the show on this topic click the link below
Conversations With The Queen 09/19 by Poetic Energy Network Station | Blog Talk Radio
Thursday, September 29, 2011
The science of the heart and emotion
This week we had a special guest on the show, brother L, who spoke on the science of the heart and love in the mundane and its highest spiritual concept. We discussed the hearts and loves significance in spirituality and personal evolution. As well, as the importance and purpose of the heart chakra. There were some wonderful call ins and great information dispensed. Be sure to catch the show on the archives!
Conversations With The Queen 09/26 by Poetic Energy Network Station | Blog Talk Radio
also check out this playlist of meditation mantras and music on the heart chakra
(Copy paste the link below)
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL50F3F5DF495B0CE7
Conversations With The Queen 09/26 by Poetic Energy Network Station | Blog Talk Radio
also check out this playlist of meditation mantras and music on the heart chakra
(Copy paste the link below)
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL50F3F5DF495B0CE7
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Fear of Abandonment But The Will To Heal
Abandonment issues stem from an innate fear of a significant person in one’s life leaving either physically or emotionally. This fear is often developed early in life and can be triggered much later when they begin to experience and deal more with the task of emotional relationships. This fear can wreak havoc on the person that carries it, not only making it difficult but sometimes impossible for them to truly ever trust anyone. It also creates irrational behavior in a person such as the want or need to constantly test or be reassured that the other person in their life will not leave or take their affection away. In many ways, abandonment issues freezes part of ones psyche into a child-like, vulnerable state where the person can develop hyper-sensitivity, thus resulting in the reaction of a coping mechanism. These coping mechanisms are sometimes so embedded in the person that they can become too accustomed to coping. When this occurs the person can becomes too comfortable with coping they will not understand the need for healing. This stagnation which originated as a means of survival can become detrimental to the one who harbors it, stunting their mental, material, emotional and spiritual evolution as a being. I like to call these emotional blockages. We as beings are in essence energy and that energy will express itself in many different ways through us, but when a traumatic experience occurs we now deal with blockages stopping our energy from flowing. This is where we find ourselves facing things like stagnation, inability to grow, change or accomplish many of the goals we might set for ourselves. In these ways blockages hinder us from realizing our full potential as human beings. So we must now come to a point where we recognize this stagnation as a problem; the only way we will ever be able to do that is by self-analysis. When we become still, we can recognize our behavioral patterns in life. How we react to situations tells us about our subconscious mind and our subconscious mind is where we store all the memories and experiences that we thought we forgot or sometimes try to forget. But just because something is not in the forefront of your mind doesn't mean that you no longer carry it with you.You must address the root causes of problems in order to encourage healing, growth, and change.
If you suspect that you or someone who is close to you may be harboring abandonment issues, these are some of the symptoms to look for:
Clinging, which is when the person who suffers from abandonment issues will hold onto and attach themselves to the other person in the relationship often times invading the other person's personal or mental space. It is natural to enjoy and want to be around someone you love but when you begin to become invasive of that individuals personal space or time you can very easily begin to push that person away with the same behavior intended to keep them close.
Another symptom of an abandonment issue is dreading. This can be triggered by seemingly small situations like the significant other not returning a phone call or text message. The sufferer of abandonment will begin to have an exaggerated negative response to the situation, including but not limited to: crying fits, inaccurate accusations, inconsolable anger and a host of other exaggerated responses. These can also drive the other further away.
Threatening self-harm is another indicator that one might be dealing with a fear of being abandoned. When the sufferer feels as if they might be losing or about to lose the person they have become attached to, they resort to emotional blackmail, hoping to manipulate the person into staying with them. They might to this by saying "I will kill myself if you go." This might even work the first or second time it is used, but eventually the person is going to call the others’ bluff or be so turned off by that mindset that they will feel even more compelled to leave. Becoming self-complacent is another example of how abandonment issues can be reflected in one’s behavior. Self-complacency is defined as "contented to a fault with oneself or one's actions." This is a very dangerous aspect of abandonment issues as it not only stunts the growth of a person but it convinces the individual that there is no problem at all. This is the exact opposite of taking the steps necessary of creating a mindset reflective of healing. Now this may sound strange but excessive breaking up can also be a sign that a person might be dealing with the fear of abandonment as it indicates that the individual might be leaving before they can get left. So before their fear can manifest, they leave the situation convincing themselves it is for the best. Another symptom of abandonment is low self-esteem which is pretty much self-explanatory. One who has the fear of abandonment often times harbors a subconscious resentment of self because they feel that they are somehow responsible for the abandonment that they go through. And last but not least is excessive reassurance where the sufferer will often ask to be constantly reassured of the security of the others love support and willingness to stay. It is important to note that all these responses are showcasing the innate fear the individual has of the other leaving, but these responses can actually have the opposite effect of the sufferer’s intention to try and keep the other in the relationship. It is also important to note, that these are just some of the ways abandonment issues can express themselves in behavior, and they can vary from person to person.
Now that you understand some of the symptoms of abandonment issues lets delve further into the ways that they can affect your life, both in public and private aspects of a relationship. All your life you will be forming many different and diverse aspects of relationships from professional, to personal, to social. All these relationships reflect upon the individuals who create them thus from them we impose an aspect of our-self onto them. If a person or the people in the relationship are damaged in some way and they do not make the effort to work through them, they will not be able to create healthy or successful relationships with anyone. Often times they might even attract others who are damaged as well, who would not be suitable to influence healing but will continue to encourage dysfunctional behavior. This is where we apply the saying, "birds of a feather flock together." People of like minds will always attract each other and if your mind is damaged you will not only attract others who are damaged but with them situations, lifestyles, and habits that are damaged as well. These situations can encourage and bring to the surface other psychological issues or problems, such as, anxiety, depression, and a host of other subsidiary disorders if left unchecked. All these different issues are but a reflection of that individual’s mindset. When we have a damaged mindset we create environments of that pain. Just like the body will send a signal to the brain when something internally is wrong the mind will attract and accept certain situation that will show you that pain inside yourself. We must become decoders of our lifestyles in order to understand the deepest parts of ourselves. So just as you would treat you physical ailment you must now treat your psychological one.
So, how do we now begin the process of healing after admitting that there is a problem? Well before we begin to heal in any way we must now, after diagnosing the problem, pinpoint the source. This is not always the case, but most of the time the origin of abandonment issues comes from childhood when a parent leaves the child physically and or emotionally, or adolescence during one’s first or most difficult break-up. Now the source can linger and the sufferer might not even fully understand the impact the situation had on them until much later in life, when another situation subconsciously triggers the behavior. There are normally about five stages of recovery from abandonment issues. These stages include but are not limited to...
The shattering, where one must understand that the dreams or ideals they held for that relationship will not come true. For example if the suffers mother left them as a child they will have to understand that they might not ever get to experience a loving mother child relationship.
Withdrawal - you’re in a painful state of love loss where you long for the one you loved to come back.
Internalization, where the person now tries to understand the reasons why the person left and the break up occurred.
Rage, when the person begins to hate or dislike there person who abandoned them and may harbor these feelings.
Lifting, which is when the person begins to come out of the darkness and understands that life will go on and they are no longer dealing with the direct emotional trauma of the abandonment.
In order to truthfully go through the healing process one must address oneself as a spiritual, physical and mental being. Spiritually there are many things you can do to align yourself. One of the most obvious is to go into the spiritual text that you hold to be sacred and find encouraging scriptures that will soothe your spirit as well as some form of meditation and prayer. One exercise that can be universal is this one: get someone who you love and trust and have this person ask you multiple questions about what you love specifically about yourself and how you are valuable. This exercise encourages one to focus on the positive things about self which is a very important part of healing. For someone who is open minded enough they may also try a few of these different spiritual exercises:
Conversations With The Queen 09/12 by Poetic Energy Network Station | Blog Talk Radio
If you suspect that you or someone who is close to you may be harboring abandonment issues, these are some of the symptoms to look for:
Clinging, which is when the person who suffers from abandonment issues will hold onto and attach themselves to the other person in the relationship often times invading the other person's personal or mental space. It is natural to enjoy and want to be around someone you love but when you begin to become invasive of that individuals personal space or time you can very easily begin to push that person away with the same behavior intended to keep them close.
Another symptom of an abandonment issue is dreading. This can be triggered by seemingly small situations like the significant other not returning a phone call or text message. The sufferer of abandonment will begin to have an exaggerated negative response to the situation, including but not limited to: crying fits, inaccurate accusations, inconsolable anger and a host of other exaggerated responses. These can also drive the other further away.
Threatening self-harm is another indicator that one might be dealing with a fear of being abandoned. When the sufferer feels as if they might be losing or about to lose the person they have become attached to, they resort to emotional blackmail, hoping to manipulate the person into staying with them. They might to this by saying "I will kill myself if you go." This might even work the first or second time it is used, but eventually the person is going to call the others’ bluff or be so turned off by that mindset that they will feel even more compelled to leave. Becoming self-complacent is another example of how abandonment issues can be reflected in one’s behavior. Self-complacency is defined as "contented to a fault with oneself or one's actions." This is a very dangerous aspect of abandonment issues as it not only stunts the growth of a person but it convinces the individual that there is no problem at all. This is the exact opposite of taking the steps necessary of creating a mindset reflective of healing. Now this may sound strange but excessive breaking up can also be a sign that a person might be dealing with the fear of abandonment as it indicates that the individual might be leaving before they can get left. So before their fear can manifest, they leave the situation convincing themselves it is for the best. Another symptom of abandonment is low self-esteem which is pretty much self-explanatory. One who has the fear of abandonment often times harbors a subconscious resentment of self because they feel that they are somehow responsible for the abandonment that they go through. And last but not least is excessive reassurance where the sufferer will often ask to be constantly reassured of the security of the others love support and willingness to stay. It is important to note that all these responses are showcasing the innate fear the individual has of the other leaving, but these responses can actually have the opposite effect of the sufferer’s intention to try and keep the other in the relationship. It is also important to note, that these are just some of the ways abandonment issues can express themselves in behavior, and they can vary from person to person.
Now that you understand some of the symptoms of abandonment issues lets delve further into the ways that they can affect your life, both in public and private aspects of a relationship. All your life you will be forming many different and diverse aspects of relationships from professional, to personal, to social. All these relationships reflect upon the individuals who create them thus from them we impose an aspect of our-self onto them. If a person or the people in the relationship are damaged in some way and they do not make the effort to work through them, they will not be able to create healthy or successful relationships with anyone. Often times they might even attract others who are damaged as well, who would not be suitable to influence healing but will continue to encourage dysfunctional behavior. This is where we apply the saying, "birds of a feather flock together." People of like minds will always attract each other and if your mind is damaged you will not only attract others who are damaged but with them situations, lifestyles, and habits that are damaged as well. These situations can encourage and bring to the surface other psychological issues or problems, such as, anxiety, depression, and a host of other subsidiary disorders if left unchecked. All these different issues are but a reflection of that individual’s mindset. When we have a damaged mindset we create environments of that pain. Just like the body will send a signal to the brain when something internally is wrong the mind will attract and accept certain situation that will show you that pain inside yourself. We must become decoders of our lifestyles in order to understand the deepest parts of ourselves. So just as you would treat you physical ailment you must now treat your psychological one.
So, how do we now begin the process of healing after admitting that there is a problem? Well before we begin to heal in any way we must now, after diagnosing the problem, pinpoint the source. This is not always the case, but most of the time the origin of abandonment issues comes from childhood when a parent leaves the child physically and or emotionally, or adolescence during one’s first or most difficult break-up. Now the source can linger and the sufferer might not even fully understand the impact the situation had on them until much later in life, when another situation subconsciously triggers the behavior. There are normally about five stages of recovery from abandonment issues. These stages include but are not limited to...
The shattering, where one must understand that the dreams or ideals they held for that relationship will not come true. For example if the suffers mother left them as a child they will have to understand that they might not ever get to experience a loving mother child relationship.
Withdrawal - you’re in a painful state of love loss where you long for the one you loved to come back.
Internalization, where the person now tries to understand the reasons why the person left and the break up occurred.
Rage, when the person begins to hate or dislike there person who abandoned them and may harbor these feelings.
Lifting, which is when the person begins to come out of the darkness and understands that life will go on and they are no longer dealing with the direct emotional trauma of the abandonment.
In order to truthfully go through the healing process one must address oneself as a spiritual, physical and mental being. Spiritually there are many things you can do to align yourself. One of the most obvious is to go into the spiritual text that you hold to be sacred and find encouraging scriptures that will soothe your spirit as well as some form of meditation and prayer. One exercise that can be universal is this one: get someone who you love and trust and have this person ask you multiple questions about what you love specifically about yourself and how you are valuable. This exercise encourages one to focus on the positive things about self which is a very important part of healing. For someone who is open minded enough they may also try a few of these different spiritual exercises:
- balancing your heart chakra through meditation and or yoga
- surrounding yourself with healing colors like pink, green, and blue
- deep breathing will also help to oxygenate the blood and balance the spirit
- running and cardio
- lifting weights
- playing any sport
- gardening
- dancing
- walking and pretty much anyway you can get up and active
- foods high in omega 3 fatty acids (fish oils)
- apple cider vinegar
- b vitamin complex
- brewers yeast
- zinc
- Valerian root
- chamomile
- hyssop
- oats
- peppermint
- http://www.myshrink.com/counseling-theory.php?t_id=7
- http://www.abandonment.net/help.ctr.html
- http://www.buzzle.com/articles/abandonment-issues.html
- http://www.lifescript.com/soul/self/growth/understanding_fear_of_abandonment.aspx
- http://www.onlinecounseling.org/abandonment_issues.htm
- http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/depression-and-exercise/MH00043
- http://www.anxietysecrets.com/nutrition-3.htm
- http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk/food_and_anxiety.html
- http://www.livestrong.com/article/69862-abandonment-issues/
- http://youtu.be/JTQbRROdKA0
- http://www.beat-depression-naturally.com/abandonment-issues.html
Conversations With The Queen 09/12 by Poetic Energy Network Station | Blog Talk Radio
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